Clue in Dear Monkey King
by Pointless But Original
Summary: When Ryoma doesn't show up for an... appointment with Atobe and a mysterious white note is discovered in his place, Atobe finds himself running arcross the country looking for his lovable brat. / Royal Pair / Forum Anniversary Fic / Oneshot


**Name: Clue in Dear Monkey King**

**Mod you're writing for: **Dudly

**Authors: **Easily Forgotten, Salsal Melted, reckless-rage

**Beta: **Peridot Tears

**Genre(s):** Humor, Romance, maybe even parody? (since it's kind of a parody on a serious kidnapping adventure thing... sort of -_-")

**Pairing(s): **Atobe/Ryoma (Royal Pair)

**School(s): **Seigaku, Hyoutei

**Wordlength:** Oneshot

**Summary: **When Ryoma doesn't show up for an... appointment with Atobe and a mysterious white note is discovered in his place, Atobe finds himself running arcross the country looking for his lovable brat.

**Author's Note:** Um. Yeah. All that can be said is... We tried? '=D It's very cracky and possibly OOC and Atobe is too much fun to make fun of. And as a note from Slacky, Ouma is a city on the northern end of Honshu that specializes in seafood, particularly tuna (I think) and urchin. And yes, I did learn all of that from watching Yakitate Japan.

**Disclaimer: **Is PoT blatantly gay? Yeah, we thought it was too, but we still don't own it.

* * *

It was another wonderful day in the Kantou district, birds were singing, the sun was shining, and Atobe was getting ready to meet Ryoma at a cafe to talk about tennis-related matters. When he arrived, the cafe was playing dramatic music and there was a note left on their appointed table.

Even before he'd picked up the message, he knew that something wasn't quite right.

"That brat had better not be skipping out on me," he grumbled as he unfolded the note. His eyes widened only slightly when he scanned the sheet of paper. After he finished reading it, he crumpled the note into a ball in his fist.

Atobe turned to the red-haired clerk wearing a white cap, who was furiously typing at a computer behind the counter. The brim of his cap was hiding his face, but there was something… familiar about the boy. Atobe shrugged off the thought and marched over to the counter. "Hey! Have you seen a kid around here? He's a short brat and he's probably wearing a white hat."

"No," the clerk replied quickly. He didn't bother to look at his annoyed customer and continued working.

Atobe was furious with the disrespectful clerk, but seeing as he had no time to waste, he stomped off- only to see a suspicious white note taped onto the bus stop sign in front of him. Black ink drenched the paper in squiggles, but the Hyoutei captain, being the genius that he was, could still decipher the words scribbled on the page.

_(To the tune of All Around the Mulberry Bush)_

_All Around the Kantou district_

_Atobe chased Ryoma_

_But did you know that he was kidnapped?_

_To find him start looking in Ouma_

_P.S. You'll want to start looking in the fish market near the port_

_Hey! Yu- Uh, the person who wrote that stupid last line, why would you go and tell him where to look? Now we can't watch him run around like a moron. Fun-sucker._

_P.P.S. Because Ga- Ahem, the person who wrote the rest of the stupid note, if we didn't tell him where to look, he'd be lost in the city for hours and then he really would murder you at the end of this._

…_Oh. Wait, _hey_! You almost ratted me out _on purpose_! You jerk._

_P.P.P.S. You started it._

_=( I don't like you anymore._

_P.P.P.P.S. Fine. By the way, Atobe if you're still reading this, you might want to stop. Echizen _is_ kidnapped after all._

Hyoutei's resident diva shredded the ridiculous note between his fingers. Some morons were messing with _the_ Atobe Keigo and they were going to _pay_ for their insolence. He snapped his fingers and his well-trained chauffer pulled up to the sidewalk and carted him away to Ouma. Ugh, the kidnappers just _had_ to pick a city on the opposite side of Japan. He'd need to take the private jet if he wanted to get there fast enough.

* * *

When the plane touched down, Atobe was ushered to the fish market where he was greeted by the by the salty ocean breeze and the stench of dead fish. He _was_ at a fish market after all, the fishy smell came with the territory, which is why Atobe _never_ went to fish markets. Stupid kidnappers, if the fish-smell didn't come out of his clothes, Atobe would make sure that someone died an early death. And paid for the dry-cleaning. He spotted another white note taped to a nearby stand and delicately plucked it away from the dead sea animal carcasses, making sure not to get any fish slime on his fingers.

_Congrats on making it here! To get your next clue, you need to complete a challenge of sorts. The man in charge of this stand has the clue and he'll give it to you if and only if you buy the cheapest fish he has and eat it in front of him as sashimi. Mwahahaha._

Atobe's eyes widened in dawning horror. He was to eat cheap fish, unsuitable for his refined palette in any state, and it was supposed to be _raw_. The audacity of the kidnappers knew no bounds. He snapped his fingers then paused, befuddled for a moment before he realized something truly horrid. _Kabaji wasn't there_. With Kabaji around, the task could have been completed with a simple command, but without his dutiful shadow's presence, Atobe would have to make use of his other resources in order to outsmart the kidnappers. He stared down the fish monger.

"How much are they paying you?"

The old man, to his credit, looked confused. It was a fake sort of confused, but confused nonetheless. "What are you talking about?"

Atobe glared. "The people who taped this note onto your stand," he seethed, shoving the note into the merchants face, "and gave you another one to hold onto. How much are they paying you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Whatever they're paying you, I'll triple it."

The old man's eyes took on a sly gleam. "Well rich boy, you've got yourself a deal."

* * *

Following the exchange of goods, Atobe found himself flying to Tokyo as ordered by his newly acquired clue. Once he was in the city, his chauffer drove him to a small arcade where he found another note taped onto the entrance. He read it, scowled, and then proudly strode in.

Fuji and Eiji were waiting for him next to the DDR machines.

"We've been expecting you. Obviously by now, you've realized that something is up with Echizen," Fuji said, smiling that knowing smile of his.

"Where is he?" Atobe demanded.

"We don't have him, nya!" Eiji exclaimed. "But, we _do _know where he is and you have to beat _me_ in Dance Dance Revolution if you want the next clue!"

The tennis captain stared at the obviously mental acrobat. "No." No, he was not going through another one of those ridiculous "challenges."

"Are you sure about that Atobe? You'll never find Echizen without the clue." Fuji's usual smile twisted into a mocking smirk. "It shouldn't be too hard a task for _the_ Atobe Keigo. It's not like you'd need your servants to compete for you in order to win."

Atobe grit his teeth at the prodigy's barbs. The conniving bastard was trying to block him into a corner. And it was working. "… Fine. I'll play your little game."

He stepped onto the dance platform next to Eiji. The bouncy redhead grinned at him and nodded towards the flashing DDR screen where bold letters proclaimed that they would be playing the song "Butterfly" on "heavy" mode. Though Atobe was a more than capable tennis player, he had never bothered playing DDR before, but the fact that "heavy" was listed after "light" and "standard" coupled with the devious smile on Fuji's face and Eiji's cocky grin left a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Damn kidnappers, the whole mess was their fault in the first place. Atobe Keigo did _not_ get nervous at the thought of getting his royal behind handed to him at a children's dancing game. Atobe Keigo wasn't supposed to play a children's dancing game in the first place. It had nothing to do with tennis. But Atobe's internal monologue was cut off by a chorus of "aiyaiyai" signaling the start of the song and the game.

A flurry of flashing arrows assaulted his eyes and flew up the screen to the beat of the song. It wasn't that Atobe _couldn't_ follow the arrows in their crazy dance, he just didn't want to, that was all. Besides, there were so many of them, the game wouldn't mind if he skipped a few. And Atobe was _not_ flailing to catch up to the arrows skipping by, it would have been inelegant. The sweat making his shirt cling to his body existed because the careless arcade managers left the thermostat too high, not because of exertion. Atobe cast a sideways glace at Eiji and was awarded with the sight of the boy prancing around the dance pad in perfect time and putting on an acrobatic show for the smirking Fuji. Atobe shook away thoughts of killing the duo and redoubled his efforts to win the game. He was doing this for Ryoma. He was doing this for Ryoma. He was doing this for _Ryoma_...

Eiji was grinning widely by the time he stepped off the DDR mat. Atobe gave him an evil glare. One of these days, he was going to-

"So do you want the next clue?" Fuji asked, amused at how flustered the diva looked. It wasn't often one could catch the royal Atobe Keigo slightly out of breath, unless it was on a tennis court. He had to remember to thank Yuushi later - the idea of using a DDR challenge was a stroke of brilliance that he appreciated. Atobe hadn't actually beaten Eiji at the game since there was no way for an amateur to best the boy at his best song (it would have been impossible for anyone to beat a perfect score anyway), but everyone ignored that little detail. Atobe got an A for effort and Fuji got a camera full of blackmail.

"Why don't you just cut to where Ryoma is?" the tennis captain grumbled as he tried to straighten his clothes.

"Ah, but that wouldn't be any fun, now would it, Keigo?" Fuji smirked slightly.

Atobe snatched the little piece of paper that the prodigy was holding and quickly scanned it.

_Okay, so this one doesn't rhyme or anything cool like that, and it's not really an explanation for a challenge, but we're running out of ideas. Just go to the tennis courts in Yokohama. Or else._

The Hyoutei captain was really quite pissed and may have possibly thought of something that sounded somewhat vaguely like something along the lines of "QUIT SCREWING WITH ME" before he left. He had his chauffer call a helicopter to take him to the Yokohama tennis courts. Atobe Keigo traveled in style, even when chasing after some kidnappers.

* * *

He finally arrived at the courts, where some Hyoutei Regulars were waiting. "If you can dodge our serves, we'll give you the final clue!" they announced.

Atobe shot them all a dangerously cool glare. "What, exactly, do you think you're trying to achieve?" he asked in a voice that sounded like ice splinters. "Did you all have fun watching me run all over the country following up on stupid clues, _hmmmm_?" That last remark sounded remarkably mild, but the look in the diva's stormy grey eyes was anything but. Almost everyone quailed under The Glare. Finally, Chotarou decided to take the plunge for the team, and stepped forward a little apprehensively.

"Well...we thought that it would be fun, something different to try, you know?" He smiled nervously. Atobe was not appeased by the explanation at all, and leveled a shatteringly frigid glance at the sophomore.

"You want me to...what was it...'dodge your serves' to get the final clue?" Before poor Chotarou knew what was going on, his captain had borne down on him, jabbing a royal finger in his chest and managing to look entirely too domineering, despite the fact that he was shorter than the boy. "I have no idea what your definition of 'fun' is, Chotarou, but it seems like it's different from _my_ definition."

"W-well..."

"It was Mukahi's idea," offered Shishido, coming to the aid of his doubles partner.

"And you _all_ just _went along with it_," replied Atobe in the same dangerously quiet tone he'd used before. His entire team, conspiring against him... With a sigh, he gripped the bridge of his nose, turned away from the group and stepped a few paces away. He could deal with the fools now and then save Ryoma, or save Ryoma first and kill them all later. Decisions, decisions...

The diva turned around and snapped his fingers. "Kabaji, get me the final clue."

"Usu."

The rest of the Regulars stood no chance against the awesome might of Kabaji and soon a white envelope was pulled from the body of a trembling Mukahi Gakuto and placed upon Atobe's regal palm. The diva tore it open and spilled its contents into his waiting hand.

"A coupon for all-you-can-eat burgers at The Burger Place...? ... You've _got_ to be kidding me."

* * *

Flinging open the doors of the fast food establishment appropriately named The Burger Place, Atobe scanned the room, registering clusters of teenagers scattered throughout the place before he spotted his quarry alone in a booth that sat along the furthest wall. He slid into the booth's squishy vinyl bench and gazed across the table at the small boy shoveling hamburgers into his face.

"Have you _really_ been eating hamburgers the entire time you and I were supposed to be... discussing tennis-related matters?" inquired the Hyoutei captain, his face carefully blank.

"Yep."

"And...?"

"And nothing."

Atobe twitched at the boy's terse response. He slammed his hands onto the table, rattling the condiments and sending Ryoma's pyramid of old burger wrappers tumbling to the floor.

"Did you know that I've been searching all of Japan for you because I heard that you had been kidnapped?"

"Hnn." Ryoma cast a disinterested glance at his trembling companion and resumed eating his burger.

"You little brat," the diva seethed. "I don't know why I even bothered chasing after you."

"That makes two of us. You seem flustered for someone who just missed a chance to talk about tennis-related things."

Bite. Chew. Swallow. Another wrapper was added to the table and the young tennis prodigy grabbed another burger from his stack.

"Tennis-related…things…" Atobe sat, slack-jawed and losing steam fast. "Ryoma… You couldn't possibly be… You wouldn't…"

"Wouldn't what, Monkey King?"

"Echizen Ryoma, are you or are you not mad at me for referring to our…" Atobe paused and dropped his voice to a bare whisper, "dates… as discussions of tennis-related matters!"

"Our whats, Monkey King?" taunted the short boy.

"You _are_ mad! This whole kidnapping scheme was something you cooked up to make me look like a fool."

"Why would I do something stupid like that?" Ryoma tossed out another wrapper. "It wasn't my idea anyway."

"Was it Fuji?" The blue-eyed demon-spawn _was_ at the arcade. The devil lurked behind his innocent smile and it wouldn't be far-fetched for him to come up with something as sadistic as that ridiculous scavenger hunt. … _What?_ It _was_ sadistic. Atobe's pride would never be the same again. Just thinking about the pictures the brown-haired genius had on his camera was enough to make Atobe shiver.

The brat snorted and briefly halted his attempted genocide of the four-legged, beef-producing farm-creatures known as cows.

"If Fuji-senpai was the mastermind, we wouldn't be talking right now. And you'd be in a lot more pain."

Atobe was getting nowhere, though it was at an astonishingly fast rate. Ryoma glanced at the (totally not pouting) boy and decided to take pity on him. Even the short brat could have a heart… occasionally.

"It was actually your team. The Eiji-senpai clone thought it would be funny or something. He was the one who met me at the café and gave me the burger coupon anyway."

"And your senpai helped because…?"

"The same reason I did, probably."

"…Free burgers?"

"Che." The boy tugged his cap over his face and muttered something that Atobe couldn't hear.

"What was that?"

Ryoma reached for another burger.

"Brat…" Atobe shot his vertically challenged counterpart a warning glance that promised horrible, horrible things to come. If destroying the beefy products in front of him wouldn't get the brat to talk there was always his stash of Ponta… and maybe the boy's cat if it came to that.

"… They didn't like the idea of 'tennis-related things' either," mumbled the snarky youth. Honesty wasn't really a policy that he felt like following right now, but he really did love his cat.

"So it really _was_ the tennis-related things that you were upset about."

"I'm not upset!" shouted the boy, though his words were belied by the flush blooming across his cheeks.

"Ryoma…"

"I don't care if you don't want to date me."

"I _do _want to date you!" Atobe stood up and moved to join Ryoma on his side of the booth.

"Uh-huh. So when should we have our next meeting to discuss tennis-related matters?" quipped the (totally not sulking) teen.

"Ugh! You stupid, self-centered brat!"

Ryoma would never listen to him. Atobe was Atobe and Ryoma was Ryoma. It was just the way things were. And if talking wouldn't work… Well, Atobe could improvise.

_Warm._ Ryoma could feel the warmth spread throughout his limbs from the connection of their lips and his face colored again, but for an entirely different reason than before. They were in the middle of the burger shop! Okay, maybe not. _Technically_ there were in a far off corner, but it might as well have been the middle of the place. But it still felt pretty nice…

Atobe pulled back and Ryoma snapped out of his stupor. The brat was going to ruin the moment and say something stupid, so Atobe kissed him again. In the middle of the burger shop.

Once the young tennis prodigy was thoroughly dazed with glazed eyes and that pretty feverish color staining his cheeks, Atobe deemed it safe to pull the boy out of their small booth without any further damage to his pride or the mood.

"Come on Brat, let's go on a date."

Sure it was late and good school children were in bed by that time, but he was Atobe Keigo. He could do what he wanted because he could. He was rich, powerful, good-looking, the captain of his tennis team, an ally of justice (he did foil a kidnapping after all) and a sex god incarnate. If he wanted to go on a date with Ryoma tonight, then he would. And then tomorrow, he would murder his so-called friends because _he_ was Atobe Keigo and _they_ would pay for their insolence. No one kidnapped Atobe Keigo's boyfriend and got away with it.

* * *

**Dudly Love: **Hehe~ Just spazzing about how wonderful and awesome Dudly-sama is. Because she is. Do you see the sama attached to the end of her name? See it? There's the proof. We love you Dudly~ *huggles from everyone and more from Slacky because since she's the one who's in charge of uploading this, she can add on whatever the heck she wants* XD


End file.
